My Gnome Little World

Back step

Three step Four.

How many times has life been like that for you?

So many.

And there will be more.

October 2024 was a hard month for me.

I tried to be helpful and all I got was push back.

I took it.

I tried to be patient and ended up just being invisible.

I took it.

I tried to be supportive and I got stress smacked back in my face.

I took it.

I tried to be appreciative and was insulted to my face and behind my back.

I took it

I tried to be generous and all they did was take.

And yet still I took it.

Until I could no longer be those things.

I started to fight back, and all that it came to was a fight.

I tried to stand up for myself and all I got was gaslit.

I tried to hide, and all I got was angrier.

Until I could no longer be who I love to be.

A happy positive person.

My Wonder Women Gold Bracelet Shields no longer worked against the negativity.

The anxiety I keep at bay grew with the negativity.

I was a negative anxious volcano ready to explode.

No one helped me. No one listened to me. No one saw me.

And then it was time.  

I could no longer handle being invisible, taken advantage of, ridiculed and gaslit.

I went black, emotionally threw up, and cried like no one’s business.

I spent the rest of the day self loving myself with my cats…who now, I know for sure, are my support animals.

I woke the following day free of the negative and the oppression that weighed me down so much it turned me into a black cloud with a mix of evil and a dash of hate.

I feel my soul could no longer handle it and  threw it up all over my husband, my generous friend and her kind husband got distant splatters too.

But …

It was needed to be done when it was done…the day before the 2024 Presidential Election.

I stayed away from the poles all day on Tuesday. Saw some at night, decided to sleep instead.

I woke on Wednesday in a very healthy space to see the news. It was very bad news.

But instead of it weighing me down again…I was strong and all I could feel was the love I had for the people that will be most affected by the devastating decision my fellow Americans made.

I don’t have room for hate. I need as much love as I can muster to be able to share it with those that need it the most, more than me.

The hard working immigrants, legal or not, helping to feed this nation. All the people of color who I am sure are feeling very invisible right now. All the LGBTQ+ population who already have started to lose rights as citizens in these not so united states. All the People who follow religions different than the far right. All the children and young adults that won’t be able to read some of the written master pieces because of banned books. And all the women, mostly to those who have already lost the right to choose what is best for their bodies. And so much more.

I am now in caring mode. I still have flight left in me, but right now I must use my empathetic healing to help others to get strong again because the real fight is about to begin.

Thank you for coming along this roller coaster of a month with me.

Thank you to those who are there for me. I accept the shortcomings of those who sent me hurdles. I forgive those who made it so much harder, except one particular orange drumpster fire. I don’t give him enough credit in my soul for me to give him anymore thought.

I think of those who need my love.

Thank you also for visiting MY GNOME LITTLE WORLD.

____________________________________________________